I am well on my way to the nut house.

Yep, I am almost there. I needed to work tonight, but after the day….week…month that I have had, I am drinking, sitting on the couch…….and blogging. Why, you may ask? Well, I will tell you why……..

My beautiful little bundle of joy Gory has turned on me. He is not BAD….he is just being a boy. ON a typical day, I pretty much hang out with Mr. Pantalones, and we play, do fun stuff, he takes a nap so I can answer my e-mails, then we go to pick Evan up at school (at 2:00 I might add, which IMO is WAY too early…) get home, clean up the house, and make dinner before Greg gets home.

Well……for the past week, all of this has flown STRAIGHT out the window. First off, Gory has decided to not only drop his second nap, but hell, why not just drop naps ALTOGETHER!?!?!?  Good, now instead of sleeping until 6am like usual….well…who needs SLEEP anyways? 4am sounds WONDERFUL!

Now, we get to the good part. Mommy is tired. (read:so effing cranky, I feel like punching anyone  that comes near me at this point) So this week, Gory decided to not only not nap, but to take it to the next level.

We child proofed all of the kitchen cabinets. Because Gory has 1 drawer and one cabinet that he CAN go into, and that are filled with tupperware, wooden spoons, ect. We figured, well, that is pretty darn good, live it up kid! As you will see in the picture, Gory thinks the child proof locks are for suckers. He actually REMOVED that one, and waved it in the air like a trophy. He then shoved it into his mouth, and chewed on it while he resumed his garbage digging.

Child proof by NO means is Gory proof.....

Then, to add salt to the wound, he figured out how to open the plastic DRAWER hook things on the other cabinets, and went about rearranging my canned goods.

Mom, the mac and cheese goes HERE!

And wait, apparently little boys need to get INTO the cabinet to properly arrange the goods. This also allows for easy access to the drawer at the top.

Oh, the KNIVES are in here? Who KNEW?!!!?

This was all in about 15 minutes of me trying to answer an e-mail. I had to take pictures to prove to Greg that I was not crazy when I told him all of the things he was doing.

Well, then he figured out how to stand on his toes, and swing items INTO tha air towards the counter top, to knock stuff down. So I went to go throw the wash into the dryer, and came back to a floor full of kleenex. I did not take a picture of this, I just snapped a camera phone pic, and sent it to Amber and Aillie. I knew they would understand.

As if this was not enough, Gory now also has a huge appetite for reading. As in…..he is eating the phone books. If I go to the bathroom, I will come back to 2 or 3 more pages missing out of a book, even though….yes, there is a child lock on that cabinet…

The phonebook massacre. And yes that is salad dressing, from the other "childproof" cabinet.

Gory earlier this week, also decided that he does NOT like to have his diaper changed. He would rather scream, arch his back, and cause a huge ruckus. So on Monday, I asked Evan to come help keep him calm while I changed one of many of the diarrhea diapers that I had that day. Well, Gory was having NONE of that, and in one swoop proceeded to swipe a hand in his poop, slap it on Evan’s face, then insert the poop covered thumb into his mouth. Gory 1 mom negative 200

SO, today, after almost a week of this nonsense, I decided to take Gory to the mall to play in the indoor kids play thing they have there. I figured it would be good to get him out and about, and not all cooped up. I had to stop by at Best Buy also, to return the dang laptop that died (in 6 days) to exchange for a new one.
Gory had other plans.

He was fine for a while, but as they were trying to find a laptop to replace the junk one, I let Gory play on one of the display electric keyboards there. He was banging along, and I was happy he was entertained. Not 5 minutes late, he decided to arch is back, and flop around, so I almost dropped him. He then made a beeline for the video game cases (which apparently in our lives, are a baby delicacy). I grabbed him by the back of his shirt, and he was literally SUSPENDED in the air, legs and arms still crawling, but going nowhere, screaming at the top of his lungs like someone was stabbing him. I picked him up, and he snorty-faced the whole way back up to the returns counter. The laptop was there, they needed me to fill out some forms. SO of course, Gory decided this would be a good time to start flirting with the cute blonde behind the counter, and showing off, he took a huge swipe at the counter, and knocked all of the electronics sitting there that had been returned. I made a mad dash trying to grab the stuff, and as I did, he swiped the credit pad off the counter, grabbed the phone, and pressed a bunch of buttons. Well, there was a *beep* and I guess he assumed that is was daddy, since we sometimes leave him voicemails, so of course he started “talking” The beep was the overhead intercom.

The returns lady quick handed me the receipt, and called the guard at the door to just let me go and not check my stuff, cause I was gonna lose it. I am pretty sure I told the cute blond to rip out her uterus or else THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS!

I then went to the mall where of course, cause he was doing something that HE wanted, he was good for a bit. Until he figured a fun NEW game would be to SPIT on the play equipment, and then proceed to fingerpaint with the saliva. Fun, right? Yeah, notsomuch.

The little spawn of the unholy angel is now all asleep and snuggled into his bed, and I am so wiped, I feel like crying. I guess this is what I get with boys. Boy, do I need a day off……..


12 thoughts on “I am well on my way to the nut house.

  1. Oh Brookie dear! I would totally take that bundle of horror off your hands for a day if I were closer. I would keep him occupied by pinching his cheeks all day so he couldn’t get into any trouble.

  2. Gory is an adventurous little puzzle master.
    On the plus side, he will make a good lock smith or escape artist. *hugs*
    I admit, I giggled at a lot of this, and at the same time am a bit horrified, and simultaneously grateful snapdragon isn’t yet crawling!
    Hang in there.

  3. My son is now 16. By the time he was 1 i learned not 2 let it get 2 me so much. & allso look @ the + side, boy do u get out of the stores fast! 4 the cashiers the quicker the better!…. & when hes older u will laugh about it. & have some damn good blackmail stories. Wow, u can get him 2 do aneything just so u dont tell the girlfriend these stories! 😀

  4. awwww…brookey! boys do have some drawbacks! the poop things are the worst in my opinion…..but what has occured is why i am pretty much a hermit! even now that the kids are older, i am so set in my way of staying home and not being around people.
    things SHOULD get a little more calm, although, you do NOT want to know the things i did to “calm” my boy down a bit. i hope, for your sake, that it’s sooner than later!
    i wish i DID live closer….i’d atleast watch him while you could go out and do your “big girl” things!
    hugs and squeezes and some sympathy for my brookers!!!!

  5. I totally feel your pain. We will come over next week and try to tire him out! Let me know what day works best for you – maybe Tuesday or Thursday??

  6. Yup… i know these stories… (1) because you told me, lol and (2) because I live similar ones out pretty regularly… seeing as I have two of said boys… yeah… choas. and I feel your pain.

  7. If you lived closer I’d say send him my way, he and Gavin could drive each other nuts and wear each other out!

    By 1 year Gavin could climb out of his crib, I found him painting with poop on the wall. Spent $70 on a tent crib, not to keep cats out, but to keep Gavin IN. And I duck taped his diapers on in the front. He once removed his diaper and peed into an open desk top computer…

    Those cabinet latches, they were fail with Gavin too. He opened the dvd cabinet right up and helped himself to my entire dvd collection… I was just making lunch…

    He also enjoyed ripping up cotton balls, they shred and make a mess that my vacuum didn’t like at all.

    Sleep he never did. We gave up all naps by 3 but before that he’d nap 1 time out of the whole week.

  8. Oh my gosh. I’m so so so sorry. I can’t help it, but I was cracking up reading this… not at you, and I’m so sorry for it, but I just couldn’t stop… and I can TOTALLY see my Silly Goose doing that in the near future… although hopefully it’s a boy thing and skips over her completely… but I’m not holding my breath… (she’s almost 14 months old and has already mastered how to take the lid off chapstick, the nozzle off my spray bottle, and caps off water & pop bottles if they aren’t tightened down too much… oy!) wishing you better days ahead!

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