Yep, I am almost there. I needed to work tonight, but after the day….week…month that I have had, I am drinking, sitting on the couch…….and blogging. Why, you may ask? Well, I will tell you why……..
My beautiful little bundle of joy Gory has turned on me. He is not BAD….he is just being a boy. ON a typical day, I pretty much hang out with Mr. Pantalones, and we play, do fun stuff, he takes a nap so I can answer my e-mails, then we go to pick Evan up at school (at 2:00 I might add, which IMO is WAY too early…) get home, clean up the house, and make dinner before Greg gets home.
Well……for the past week, all of this has flown STRAIGHT out the window. First off, Gory has decided to not only drop his second nap, but hell, why not just drop naps ALTOGETHER!?!?!? Good, now instead of sleeping until 6am like usual….well…who needs SLEEP anyways? 4am sounds WONDERFUL!
Now, we get to the good part. Mommy is tired. (read:so effing cranky, I feel like punching anyone that comes near me at this point) So this week, Gory decided to not only not nap, but to take it to the next level.
We child proofed all of the kitchen cabinets. Because Gory has 1 drawer and one cabinet that he CAN go into, and that are filled with tupperware, wooden spoons, ect. We figured, well, that is pretty darn good, live it up kid! As you will see in the picture, Gory thinks the child proof locks are for suckers. He actually REMOVED that one, and waved it in the air like a trophy. He then shoved it into his mouth, and chewed on it while he resumed his garbage digging.
Then, to add salt to the wound, he figured out how to open the plastic DRAWER hook things on the other cabinets, and went about rearranging my canned goods.
And wait, apparently little boys need to get INTO the cabinet to properly arrange the goods. This also allows for easy access to the drawer at the top.
This was all in about 15 minutes of me trying to answer an e-mail. I had to take pictures to prove to Greg that I was not crazy when I told him all of the things he was doing.
Well, then he figured out how to stand on his toes, and swing items INTO tha air towards the counter top, to knock stuff down. So I went to go throw the wash into the dryer, and came back to a floor full of kleenex. I did not take a picture of this, I just snapped a camera phone pic, and sent it to Amber and Aillie. I knew they would understand.
As if this was not enough, Gory now also has a huge appetite for reading. As in…..he is eating the phone books. If I go to the bathroom, I will come back to 2 or 3 more pages missing out of a book, even though….yes, there is a child lock on that cabinet…
Gory earlier this week, also decided that he does NOT like to have his diaper changed. He would rather scream, arch his back, and cause a huge ruckus. So on Monday, I asked Evan to come help keep him calm while I changed one of many of the diarrhea diapers that I had that day. Well, Gory was having NONE of that, and in one swoop proceeded to swipe a hand in his poop, slap it on Evan’s face, then insert the poop covered thumb into his mouth. Gory 1 mom negative 200
SO, today, after almost a week of this nonsense, I decided to take Gory to the mall to play in the indoor kids play thing they have there. I figured it would be good to get him out and about, and not all cooped up. I had to stop by at Best Buy also, to return the dang laptop that died (in 6 days) to exchange for a new one.
Gory had other plans.
He was fine for a while, but as they were trying to find a laptop to replace the junk one, I let Gory play on one of the display electric keyboards there. He was banging along, and I was happy he was entertained. Not 5 minutes late, he decided to arch is back, and flop around, so I almost dropped him. He then made a beeline for the video game cases (which apparently in our lives, are a baby delicacy). I grabbed him by the back of his shirt, and he was literally SUSPENDED in the air, legs and arms still crawling, but going nowhere, screaming at the top of his lungs like someone was stabbing him. I picked him up, and he snorty-faced the whole way back up to the returns counter. The laptop was there, they needed me to fill out some forms. SO of course, Gory decided this would be a good time to start flirting with the cute blonde behind the counter, and showing off, he took a huge swipe at the counter, and knocked all of the electronics sitting there that had been returned. I made a mad dash trying to grab the stuff, and as I did, he swiped the credit pad off the counter, grabbed the phone, and pressed a bunch of buttons. Well, there was a *beep* and I guess he assumed that is was daddy, since we sometimes leave him voicemails, so of course he started “talking” The beep was the overhead intercom.
The returns lady quick handed me the receipt, and called the guard at the door to just let me go and not check my stuff, cause I was gonna lose it. I am pretty sure I told the cute blond to rip out her uterus or else THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS!
I then went to the mall where of course, cause he was doing something that HE wanted, he was good for a bit. Until he figured a fun NEW game would be to SPIT on the play equipment, and then proceed to fingerpaint with the saliva. Fun, right? Yeah, notsomuch.
The little spawn of the unholy angel is now all asleep and snuggled into his bed, and I am so wiped, I feel like crying. I guess this is what I get with boys. Boy, do I need a day off……..